My first two wives were my first two sexual partners. Even though I prided myself on being a good lover, the truth was I was actually pretty sexually inexperienced. Sex with my first wife was consistent, but “vanilla” to say the least. Sex with my second wife was, let’s say, “nonexistent.” She announced on our honeymoon, “Aren’t you glad that now that we are married, we don’t have to pretend to like sex anymore?”
Huh?
So here I was, a single man wading into the dating pool with one primary conviction – do it better than I did the last time. In this regard, I knew I had to become a better picker and a better ender. I also knew I had to develop some new skills and insights. At this point, I had no idea how to use online dating, how to approach a woman, or how or when to ask for a number.
Around this time there was a growing body of information available about dating, approach, and pickup. Some of my clients gave me books, CDs, and DVDs. I listened to podcasts. I got out of the house and practiced what I was learning. I became a scientist, testing and researching what worked and what didn’t. I got out of my comfort zone and took chances.
What I experienced in the process frequently made me wonder what planet I had landed on.
I will note here I did not push, coerce, or try to get any of these women to have sex with me. They all showed up wet! That’s the power of what I call, positive emotional tension.
After a lifetime of depending on the failed logic of Nice Guy Seduction, after interacting with women assuming they would think I was bad if they knew I wanted to see them naked, after 25 years of two marriages consisting of “trying to get her in the mood so I can do what worked last time and then settle for shitty sex” – I now frequently pondered if I was living in an alternate dimension.
Since my second divorce in 2003, I haven’t had a shortage of amazing women sending me signals of high interest nor a shortage of balls to the wall, mind-blowing sex.
Almost all of these women have been significantly younger than me (this isn’t an ego thing; younger women just seem really interested in me. It’s still true today).
Many of these women shared with me that they had been high school cheerleaders and more than a few had modeling experience. I promise you, I couldn’t have gotten a cheerleader interested in me when I was in high school.
And I’ll say it again. I haven’t used pickup, tried to get any of these women to like me, nor pushed any of them to get naked with me.
In November, I will celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary with an amazing woman who originally came on to me when I was just walking down the street. She’s 22 years younger than me, a gym rat, a salsa dancer, and would be happy to fuck me two to three times a day.